Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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