If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
