i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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