how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
