Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
