Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think i have two assholes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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