He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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