i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
