i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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