Do you still have your period?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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