what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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