A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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