I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
