woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
