Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
