When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
