hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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