Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
