i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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