I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
