Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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