Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
