He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
