This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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