I wish my penis had an off switch
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
