So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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