If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
