you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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