I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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