I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
