Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
