@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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