you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
