Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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