My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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