If that was your dad, he is hot
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm both gender and math confused
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
