then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
