He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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