So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
