Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I didn't notice because vodka
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
