I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
