Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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