Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
