so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
