im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
