i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
