You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
