Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
