it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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