i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are my feet made of real feet?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
