OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
