I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
